How Do You Like Your Eggs?

Where do we get our identity from?
I think many people often look to their romantic relationships as a way to find some semblance of defining identity, rather than entering relationships with a strong sense of who they are apart from the other person. I would suggest that the healthier scenario is when there are two people coming to a relationship whole; not needing the other to tell them who they are, but instead have their own sense of established identity roots.

There is a popular movie about this with Richard Gere and Julia Roberts, “The Runaway Bride,” where Julia plays a beautiful, but confused young woman that enters relationship after relationship, not really know who she is, instead she becomes who she thinks she needs to be, to fit that particular relationship. If the man she is dating likes rock music, well then so does she. If he is a sports fanatic, then so is she. Furthermore, whatever kinds of eggs he likes; well those become the kind of eggs that she “likes.” In each relationship, she tries to be who he wants, instead of being who she actually is, and as a consequence the facade falls apart and the relationship unravels.

The story laid out in that movie, maybe seems like an extreme scenario, however it might by more relatable than at first glance. While one may not “change their mind” every time they are in a new relationship about what kind of eggs they like, it might be a good idea to ask oneself, “Is this relationships as an identity maker instead of an identity enhancer?”

I am sure there are many reasons for why people feel the need to find their identity in their relationships, but the reason that stands out to me is that many have struggled with the lack of having a true father figure in their life. There is a feeling of acceptance, protection, and identity that seems to be missing from their life. There are many of us on this planet that grew up with less-than-admirable fathers. I think the evidence of the lack of an amazing father is evident in the men and women in our society. Instead of having confident, secure individuals we have a culture that is desperate for identity and we often turn and look for that identity in romantic relationships.

Is there a better way?

Who do we let establish our identity?
Where is identity come from?

No matter how great or abysmal our examples are and were, if we solely look to other people (our fathers, father figures or romantic relationships or lovers) for our identity, we will forever be seeking for a fulfillment that will fall short. Identity, true identity cannot be solely filled by men or other people. If we want to be all that we were created to be, if we want fulfilling passionate, satisfying, intimate, secure, loving, relationships than we MUST know WHO WE ARE.

You see, no matter how horrible or great of examples you might have, if you look to other people to tell you who you are, if you look to them to fill a hole inside of your heart, if you look to them for your identity, they will always fall short and there will be an unfillable hole inside. Ladies, it won’t matter if the most perfect man in the world pursues you or marries you, you will sabotage that relationship. You won’t be able to make room for a wonderful man and enjoy the fullness that that relationship has to offer, because there is an essential thing in you that is broken; that is missing. Fellas, similarly how do lead another person with confidence if you are stumbling around trying to find who you are?  Or, how do you feel when you are trying to lead a relationship where the woman needs you to create her identity and be her everything?

How do you find identity? True identity, the kind of identity that makes you unstoppable, that makes you attractive to others, and that makes you feel fulfilled and not hollow? This sort of identity is developed only in discovering who you in God. You must catch and be empowered by two things. Who you are and whose you are. Once you know who you are and whose you are, everything changes.  

Who you are:  

You are a son or daughter of the King of Kings! God looks at you as though you were the most valuable creature in the whole world; because you are! YOU ARE VALUABLE! Let go of everything that attacks your belief in your value!

Romans 8: 14-17 says, “For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him.”

Read those verses again, let them soak in, embrace them as your own. You have been adopted by God himself! You are His heir. You are joint heir of Jesus Christ. Think about what that means for you!

Whose you are:  

Your daddy is the creator of the universe, and he created you! You are not defined by your birth parents. God sees you as his kid. He made you. He calls you HIS. He loves your heart. He loves you the way you are, in your imperfection; he loves you in your mess. He loves you despite what you think are your flaws. He doesn’t define you by the shape of your size, the color of your skin or the texture of your hair. You aren’t defined by your talents or what you can produce.

Let that sink in, your daddy is the creator of the universe, he sent Jesus to die for you so that you could have a heart-to-heart relationship with Him. The King of Everything. How amazing is that!

His love for you is indescribable.
Is there anybody that you know that you would do anything to be with them? That there is nothing that they could do that would cause you to stop loving them? Somebody that you would die for? Those of you that are parents know a taste of that kind of love. Why? Because you love your children, right? It’s that same sort of unconditional love that God has for you.  Is it possible that maybe God loves you as much or more than you could ever love somebody? His love for you is indescribable; it is time to receive His love more fully than you ever have before.

Embrace His Love!
If you want to have an incredible beyond words relationship with your spouse or future spouse, you must embrace the fullness of your identity in God. It’s time! The world is full of confused, insecure people, they may look good on the outside, but on the inside whether they will admit it or not, they are crying out for help. You can be the piece of the puzzle that helps to bring direction and hope to their life. Whether you are somebody that thinks that you are strong in your identity, (knowing who you are and whose you are), or if you feel like you lack a solid foundation of identity, either way, it’s time to arise and become the fullest of who you are called to be. You are called by The King of the Universe. He says that you are His kid! 

Have a blessed week! Go forth as a child of the King of kings! 

 

Elyssa and Wladimir,
Honeymooon Living